I used to be GLBTA friendly. Mind you this was back in the day, you know, when Gen-X was setting the standard for culture & the dinosaurs walked the earth. You know, in the 1990s, I was considered GLBTA friendly. In fact, in the ’00’s I was GLBTA friendly.
Now I’m sooooo not GLBTA friendly.
Now I’m an old man & a homophobe.
Now this is despite the fact, or in spite of the fact that I believe that Gays should have equal rights & that it makes no difference to me what you want to fuck & where. So long as it’s consensual & it’s old enough I could really care less.
Honestly, if you wanted to put on a Margret Thatcher mask while you fuck your tutu wearing boyfriend in the ass screaming “Death to the British Working Class!!!!” at the top of your lungs, so long as you gave him a reach around it probably wouldn’t change my opinion of you.
Now if you don’t give him a reach around, that would make me think less of you. If you don’t give him a reach around then guess what, you not just fucking an asshole, you ARE an asshole.
What happened? Somewhere I went wrong, because that’s not the only recent accusation.
I’m also a racist now.
That one came out of the fucking blue. I mean, I don’t want to throw out that cliche that will certainly make me sound racist but, well, some of my best friends are Black. And more than a few of them are Mexicans.
I mean, growing up I was sort of poor. I lived in the Catholic part of a small town on the wrong side of the tracks as a child. Most of the people I knew when I was a kid were Mexicans & Paddy’s like me.
That sort of childhood warps you & you don’t even realize it. It really does, no Bull Shit. It makes for VERY unfortunate normal everyday travel faux pas.
You know, like when you are 30 something, take a road trip to Montana with your father, walk into a bar filled with people that look like Latinos & open with:
“Hola Seniors. Estoy jodidamente perdido. ?Podria uno de ustedes me mostrara el camino a Billings? ?Y tal vez senalar puedo mear?”
Only to find out that really, you walked into a bar full of Native Americans.
They really don’t appreciate that at all. In fact, it sort of upsets them. But hey, you’re from a Latino part of Chicago & you’ve never seen a Native American before & you have long ago, since childhood, developed this habit of just deflating to Spanish whenever you see a Latino.
“!Mierda! !Mierda! !Lo siento, no sabia que eras nativos americanos!”
Of course, the panicked apology doesn’t go over very well either. But that’s not really a racist thing. It doesn’t come from harboring ill will towards either Native Americans or Latinos. I certainly hold no hatred towards the kids I played G.I. Joe with as a child & still drink with as an adult.
What we had there was a failure to communicate brought on by lack of exposure.
And I don’t know how to make the upside down question marks anymore on WordPress, so sorry. That’s not racism either, the blog was different when I started it.
Anyway, I really love Latinos. Seriously, that was sort of the part of the globe that I majored in. I have absolutely nothing against them & I understand their culture & respect it.
And the greater Latino community has only ever embraced me with open arms. I’ve never had a Latino call me a racist.
Black people on the other hand, they are doing it more & more often these days & that all started with Black Lives Matter.
Like 90% of the people that I currently work with are Black. I depend on them for my life…literally. It’s sort of hard to be racist against a man that pulls a raging schizophrenic off of you.
That & a lot of the people I met & drank with in college were Black. They were always pretty cool with me. I mean, I did protest with them back in the day & I never really had that accusation thrown at me back then.
But according to some of the people that speak for BLM, you know, Black Lives Matter, I’m totally racist because I’m white.
It’s not just me, it’s Bernie Sanders too. You know, the ONE current presidential candidate that is probably going to side with them & give them what they want.
According to them he’s a racist because he’s OLD & WHITE & a POLITICIAN.
Now us white people might only be 48% of the current US population, but Black people are less than 14% of the total population.
When you are only 13.whatever% of a nation’s population, it’s not the best idea to attack the people that are siding with you. You’re probably going to need their help & “racist” is sort of a HUGE insult these days.
It might be a better idea to cultivate their support & respect before they respond with a “fuck you 13% of the population, you pissed us off one too many times.”
But that’s the BLM thing.
The GLBTA thing is a bit different. They are young & hip.
They are young & hip & I am old & still dress in flannels & Doc Martins & would never be caught dead in skinny jeans.
Actually, I’d probably never be caught dead in jeans that weren’t baggy.
Part of me still wants to believe that, if I were young & hip today, I’d still dress like one of the Winchester brothers.
You see back in the day, when Gen-X ruled culture, to be GLBTA friendly all you really needed to do was not care if someone were gay.
Back then labels were evil & treating people like they were different was evil.
It was cool to acknowledge that Bob, Will, Marcos, Cio, & John were Gay, that was cool, just so long as you never treated them different because of it or put a label on them because of their sexuality.
This anti-GLBTA Homophobia that I unknowingly cultivated came to a head when I went into a coffee bar.
I ordered a large black & said “thank you ma’am” to the kid behind the counter.
That’s when the kid rounded on me. It was not a “ma’am” & it found that word VERY offensive.
“I’m sorry, thank you sir.”
That, by the way, just as offensive.
It wasn’t long before some of the patron & it’s co-workers heard the explosion & came to intervene.
Only they intervened on it’s behalf, not mine.
It screamed at me in a rage:
“Can’t you see that I identify as absolute gibberish!”
Actually, no, I couldn’t. In fact, I had never before heard the word that it identified itself as.
Man, Woman, Male & Female. These are the words that I was familiar with. When I was going up, unless you were a hermaphrodite, there were really only two genders to choose from.
With those two genders you could only be Gay, Straight, or Bi-Sexual.
None of my degrees are in science, but I am a news junkie, I’m pretty sure I would have heard if science developed more genders. I do love porn, I would certainly be interested to see a new sex organ or two.
Transvestite. That’s another word I know pretty well, but when I was growing up, if you dress like a woman & fancied men it was polite to refer to a transvestite in the feminine. The masculine if they favored women…or the other way around depending on the sex organ.
Transvestite I knew. This kid, it didn’t use the word “Transvestite.”
The patrons circled me, siding with Baby X.
I was the problem.
The problem with my generation, with old people like me is that we are all close minded homophobics that hate the transgender community & apply gender to everyone we meet.
Now hole on a minute, whatever kinky shit you’re into is fine with me.
Cool your jets here. You didn’t exactly release a PSA about the new fake genders you’re making up, being a straight male from the ’90s you gotta give me a little slack the new genders aren’t exactly covered in the news when they talk about “Gay Marriage,” which I whole-heartedly support.
Time out, for a second, I was trying to be polite.
And wait a fucking minute…you seriously want me to label you?
But labels are evil.
Labels & titles are the shit that the goddamned Babyboomers were into! We in Generation X worked hard to culturally reject labels & now you’re pissed that I’m NOT labeling you correctly?
Sorry, no, that level of totally unwarranted hostility is so NOT going to win me over.
My new reaction to you is a loud:
“Fuck off! I’m going to Starbucks!”
Now I’m still going to support my homosexual brothers, but I have half a mind to vote whatever fucking bill you’re backing down just out of spite.
So let’s sit down,take a deep fucking breath, & realize that by alienating your allies you are fucking yourself over.
What you are doing is the cultural equivalent of being poor & voting Republican.
What’s worse is that you’re being an asshole. Both of you, GLBTA, BLM, assholes.
You do not bite the hand that feeds you. You are a sliver of the population & people like me support you, but you are fucking losing that support because you are acting like assholes.
I got hella more protest hours logged into my flight book then either of you will probably ever see. I’ve literally bled for equality in this nation. I’ve been arrested for equality & you’re throwing that shit on me?
Nope. That dog don’t hunt.
It matters that I’m straight & white & liberal. You should be kissing my ass because I’m the 48% & that is more than enough to turn the election. What’s better is that I’m the sonovabitch that’s going to vote for your cause.
And the man I’m voting for in the primary elections is the crusty old white man that’s actually going to want to work to advance your cause…& you’re alienating him too.
Black people are less than 14% of the population, it wasn’t them alone that put Obama into office. IF you believe that BLM you have the IQ of a carrot, & the GLBTA, you’re even weaker in numbers than BLM.
So let’s take a moment & use logic & reason. You need us. You need people like me. You should consider us your natural allies because we want the same thing you do. Don’t piss us off.
Thirty With Parents 