Baseball, right, it’s really all you need…unless, of course, your bastard parents raised you to be a Cubs fan. When that happens, you know your summer is going to end fast…& in misery.

No bull shit, it’s actually a little known fake fact that 9 out of every 10 suicides are Cubs fans.

The other one…Red Sox.

Robin Williams was probably a Cubs fan….too soon?

I only bring it up because in America, baseball teams are like assholes, everyone has one. Even if you don’t watch baseball, chances are you have a team. If you do watch baseball, well, you’re a fanatic. There is really not a happy middle there.

A wise Jedi once said, a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, that only the Sith deal in absolutes.

Yeah, OK, I know, I made the mistake of quoting form the the last three episodes, that were really the first three episodes & fuck it all anyway, they destroyed our childhoods. But I did have a point & my point was that Old Ben only said that because there was no Baseball in the Star Wars Universe.

We are talking about Baseball here, which, for our foreign readers, is the American equivalent of soccer….football…bananas…whatever we call it.

The thing is is that baseball is really all you need. It is life affirming. People have argued that with me, usually male parents that, for some reason, put their children & families before baseball. I still don’t understand how having a child could be any better than the Cubs actually winning the World Series.

The fact is that all you really need in life, to be happy, is a nice field of grass, a little leather ball (with the same number of stitches as the beads in a Catholic Rosary) a bat & about 10 people. You don’t even need a full team & really you don’t even have to play. For the hours that the game is on, nothing else matters. All that you are focused on is baseball & you’re in Heaven. When you die, that’s where you go, a little baseball diamond on a corn field in Iowa.

That’s right, two references to two different Kevin Cosner movies in one paragraph.

But the thing is, baseball is like religion & politics & if you don’t believe me, come to Chicago for the cross town classic. You are going to hear a lot of arguments in the bars when the Cubs are playing the Sox & yes, you will have people like me, that don’t have a mound of dirt to stand on, vainly defending the Cubs because that was the religion I was raised with.

During the cross town classic, those arguments are part of the fun. You go out to watch the game, but you also go out to boldly wave your colors & defend your pathetic team with pride…unless you are from the South Side, where you have a team that isn’t pathetic.

And if you are from the South Side, fuck you, the Cubs will always be the better team…even though they always sort of blow.

With baseball, in Illinois, you can do that. Shit, with baseball anywhere in the United States you can do that. You can have a strong point of view about your American beliefs & no one cares. They understand that it’s religion. They understand that it’s the American way to have strongly & opposing points of view about things close to your heart & with baseball, no one cares if you express those views in public…Even if you are a Chicago boy in St. Louis.

You can’t say the same thing about football. Football fans are a little more reactionary & no one cares about basketball. I mean, after Jordan & Scottie left the Bulls,there was really no point to it anymore, was there? The magic sort of died with them & we’re stuck lamenting the fact that they didn’t have the staying power of Robert Parrish.

Baseball is about all you have now.

You can’t argue politics in Illinois any longer.

Now, for the first time, at least in my life time, Illinois has a concealed carry law & the people that carry weapons are nearly exclusively conservative & reactionary.

I found that out the hard way, in Central Illinois, when a Republican started talking politics in a bar & then, when I disagreed with him, clearly hinted that he was armed.

Now I can be a communist-liberal all I want, but he has a gun & if I don’t want to see what it can do, I might as well turn the conversation towards something he agrees with.

So, being an American male, the subject turned to baseball. Now being from Southern Illinois, he was a Cardinal’s fan, but that was a disagreement that he could live with.

It turned out that he had the right to carry a gun & that meant that I had the right to stop using my 1st Amendment Right, or take him up on his offer.

I don’t think he would have really used it, he wasn’t that drunk. It was EXTREMELY unlikely that he would carry through on his threat. But what the fuck did that matter?

Who was it that said “political power grows out of the barrel of a gun?”

Riiight, it was Mao. You know, a communist.

The bottom line was that he didn’t serve three years in the army, during a time of peace, so that I could use my 1st Amendment Right. He served in the army so that he could use his 2nd Amendment Right to put an end to my 1st Amendment Right.

He, legally, has the right to carry a gun whenever & just about wherever he wants to.

I have the right to express my liberal views while I’m talking to him, just so long as I understand that I have a dissenting opinion & he has a gun.

Now, if I want to level the playing fields & have a conversation about politics on equal footing, I have the right to carry a gun as well. At which point I guess we either cancel one another out, or we draw down & see who can skin the iron faster.

It used to be that you could go to a protest against the war in Iraq & all the conservatives could do was shoot insults at you. Your biggest fear was the police. Now its a little different. Now, if you want to protest against a conservative policy they can carry an AR15 on their backs & the cops can’t do anything until they start shooting at you.

It’s a covert thing, but since the majority of people that are going to carry guns in public are conservative, it’s a pretty easy way to silence a dissenting point of view, at least in public.

Thank God for the internet, right? Because of the internet, liberals can still argue politics with conservatives in conceal carry states & NOT have to worry about if they are packing heat.

Concealed carry is new to a lot of states, but so far, there have already been a handful of killings by people who are legally carrying guns in public.

Total People Killed by Concealed Carry Killers:

14 Police officers
630 Private Citizens
28 Mass Shootings
40 Murder/Suicides

Altogether there have were 644 killings by people who were legally carrying a concealed weapon since the new conceal carry laws came into effect.

Now let’s look at it this way, they have the right to carry a gun wherever they want. And that right means that you no longer have the right to take your child to a park content that the only people carrying a gun are also carrying a badge. It means that you no longer have the right to go out in public & not be surrounded by strangers with guns.

Now you still have the right to leave the house, they aren’t taking that away from you. You still have the right to take your toddler to a park, they aren’t taking that right away from you either. They never said that you don’t have those rights.

All they said is that if you don’t want to be surrounded by strangers with guns, you better stay in your home.

Or, your other option, is to get out of America. Love it or leave it, as they say. Only in this case, it’s not love America or leave it, it’s love strangers with guns or leave America.

Patriotism has nothing to do with it.

Of course, you can ask them to put their guns away.

You can walk up to them & say, “my child is playing here, could you put your gun away so he can play in peace & safety.”

But then, you are an unarmed man asking a man with a gun to please drop his weapon. You have about as much ground to stand on as a Cubs fan arguing during the cross town classic.

“You want me to put it away? Use your gun to make me.”

You can’t really seek a compromise with them either. Some gun owners you can, but generally those gun owners are not the type of people that would bring a gun to a playground…or to the mall…or anywhere that’s in public & not a predesignated firing range.

The people that are rationally pro-gun are certainly NOT going to pack heat in the same vicinity that children are at play.

There are no smoking signs all over Illinois & now there are no gun signs all over Illinois. I don’t smoke where there are no smoking signs & I don’t carry my gun where there are no gun signs. But then, I also don’t carry my gun in public. I don’t want to carry my gun in public.

You can almost guarantee that someone that carry’s a gun in public ignores the laws limiting where he can carry them.  You can’t legally take one into a bar, but that didn’t stop that redneck from Southern Illinois…Central Illinois…Whatever.

Let me tell you why I don’t carry in public..& the pro-gun crowd points this out all the time. There was a person carrying when the two cops were killed in Vegas by the pro-gun shooters & he died with the cops…he was one of the first, because they saw that he had a gun.

But let’s take it a step further. There was recently a shoot out at a gas station. An armed bad guy tried to rob the place & the clerk had a concealed carry licenses & took his gun to work. The result was a shoot out, an actual shoot out & from what I read both men emptied their clips. The clerk was shot twice & died of his wounds & the crook was shot once, lived, & was later apprehended.

Did I mention that they emptied their magazines? Did I mention it was a shoot out?

Where did the other bullets go?

In this case, thankfully, the gas station was empty.

Next time we aren’t going to be so lucky. Next time, people are going to get caught in the crossfire.

Now they have the right to own a gun & carry it wherever & whenever they please & you have the right to get caught in the crossfire when they do something stupid.

If you don’t want to use your vaguely Constitutionally affirmed right to die in the crossfire when they do something stupid, you have the right to stay in your house or leave the country.

If you don’t want your child to get shot in the crossfire when they do something stupid, you have the right to stay in your house or leave the country. If you don’t want your child, or someone else’s child to go to a park & find one of their guns laying on the ground after they did something stupid, than you have the right to stay in your house or leave the country.

And, if you don’t want to argue politics & use your 1st Amendment right to discuss the state of this nation with an armed reactionary, you have the right to shut the fuck up or talk about baseball…because you might be a liberal, but they have a gun


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