There was no time for scholarly details, and, besides, I have always believed that a man can fairly be judged by the standards and taste of his choices in matters of high-level plagiarism.

Sorry, you’re going to hear a SHIT TON about my ex-girlfriends.  This is primarily because I’m one of those boyfriends that girls can break up with &  I’ll still make the effort to be their friends.  I collect people.  But it is also partly because ex-girlfriends still have a way of getting under my skin & that bouncing redhead does it better than most.

Every time she opens her mouth, there’s a good chance she’s going to be quoting someone.  Sometimes it’s from a movie–I’m pretty sure she has The Talented Mr. Ripley memorized.  But she can also through out more than a few gems from Hawthorne, Wilde, Joyce, Shakespeare, Hemingway, & the other great & sometimes over rated celebrated wordsmiths.

I always hated quotes, especially quotes from Shakespeare.  Old Bill is EVERYONE’S go to guy.  Quoting Shakespeare always seemed lazy to me, like quoting the Bible, everyone can do it, it’s a red light warning people that you couldn’t think of someone a little more clever to throw out there & show the world you’re well read.  Hawthorne has always been too depressing, he’s the guy you quote the moment before you slit your wrists.

No if you are going to throw out a quote to pepper your little speech, it’s best to make it fun.  Quote someone like Wilde, or Kerouac.  Quote someone that will make who ever is listening to you think twice about crossing you.

When I do quote people, I like to quote Hunter S.Thompson.  He puts a nice spin on any issue & I get a sick pleasure in seeing the looks on people’s faces when they are confronted with his words coming out of my mouth.

So here is a list of his most useful, or at least the quotes I’ve found to be easiest to work into everyday conversations:

1) Power & honesty very rarely coincide.

2) I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright… Or maybe “stupid” is a better way of saying it

3) In a nation run by swine, all pigs are upward-mobile and the rest of us are fucked until we can put our acts together: Not necessarily to Win, but mainly to keep from Losing Completely.

4) How many times had he stood calmly back there on the duckboards and listened to respectable-looking people talk about raping the hotel penguins?

5) What do you say, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death?

6) There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things

7) I was never idle long enough to do much thinking

8) The last half of the 20th century will seem like a wild party for rich kids, compared to what’s coming now.

9) It ain’t much, but it’s the only weapon we have against the Greedheads.

10) There’s a huge difference between being arrested and being guilty

11) We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear

12) Anything that gets the adrenalin moving like a 440 volt blast in a copper bathtub is good for the reflexes and keeps the veins free of cholesterol

13) It’s a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.

14) Platitudes are safe, because they’re easy to wink at, but truth is something else again

15) All political power comes from the barrel of either guns, pussy, or opium pipes, and people seem to like it that way.


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