The nice thing about the blog world is, who gives a fuck. I’ve only occasionally enjoyed writing & hardly ever enjoyed editing, I don’t mind tooth combing other people’s work to help them produce a better product, but I’ve always hated doing it to the bull shit I write. Editing means that I actually have to read my own dribble & that has always felt narcissistic to me. It’s a necessary act, I under stand that, & it sure as shit helps you, the reader, but when I go over something I’ve written, & I end up really liking it, it makes me feel dirty, unclean, like I’ve sinned against my own humility.
I get the same dirty feeling when I use my Kindle instead of a real book. Only the Kindle’s a little worse. The kindle makes me feel like I’ve sinned against nature.
The internet isn’t like school or work. Editing isn’t completely necessary. I’m not doing this for a grade, I’m not doing it for work, so fuck it, you know? Let the occasional type-o slip through if it means not feeling guilty in the off chance that I’ve produced a clever sentence. A sentence that I really like, a sentence that I think is as fun to read as it was to write. A sentence like:
And then they struck, the Knights of Columbus, armed to the teeth.
Rape is my Anti-Drug.
But the latter isn’t mine, it’s Tom’s I just think it;s a really fun sentence in really a very horrible way.
When I was a kid I loved to read & I wrote in journals. I didn’t write journals, mind you, I just wrote in journals & usually never finished them. There were stories I’d start, & then lists of sentences I just thought were really fun to write & therefore to read.
But then school struck & I got slapped in the face with the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY. I hated that shit. That shit had too much structure. I would agonize over that. That is a painful thing to write, almost as painful as a resume cover-letter. You remember when you told yourself “I’m never doing that to my kids?” Well teachers do the same thing & when I was going to school, to get my M.ED the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY came back to haunt me & I vowed that I would never do that to my students…..especially since normal teachers, that is the teachers that teach teachers how to teach, they assign the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY to their graduate students.
But then Normal College is the most useless thing on the face of the earth. They don’t teach you how to teach, they teach you how to murder Socrates & rape the subject that you are trying to impart on young impressionable minds. They have systematically outlawed everything that I loved about schools, right down to the classroom debate. But they kept the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY. Those rat-bastards.
If you’re reading this & you haven’t got to college yet & you weren’t blessed to have a teacher like me, don’t worry, writing gets better, When you get to college you get the seven page paper. The seven page paper, believe it or not, is far easier to write than the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY. Actually, the fifteen page final is easier to write than the FIVE PARAGRAPH ESSAY. There’s less structure in it & the professors don’t care about each paragraph relating to the main points in your opening paragraph & they don’t care if your conclusion includes all the points that you had previously made in the….just fucking shoot me!
The papers you get in college are easy, if you took the time to pay attention & do the reading you can blast out far more than you are required to with ease. You don’t have to worry about structure, just citations. But then, depending on your professor, you might get fucked there. Using proper citation used to be easy & allow you to add emphasis to your point & better organize your writing. But then the psychologists came along & assumed people were dumber than they really are, & went ahead & fucked up college for everyone.
There are some enlightened professors that demand that you stay the hell away from the APA & G_d bless them for it. & there are others that don’t care. But there are still a great many out there that believe that psychologists were right in assuming that you & your reader are idiots & embrace the APA style citation. You will find these people in the business, psychology, & education departments, the departments where braincells & original thought go to die.
But even with the APA sized blight on the academic world, college papers are a breeze. I loved writing those, until I got to graduate school & suddenly they had me doing all the shit that I hated doing in high school.
I have a friend that just happens to be a psychologist & I was the subject of her & her psychologist girlfriend’s whims. I’m a sucker for “we need your help for class.” And when she was working on her doctorate she dropped that bomb on me again & I was to stupid to ask what she needed me for. And then, when I got to her department at U of C I was delighted to find out that she was doing a dissertation on how pain relates to the whatever the fuck she was doing her dissertation on.
That bitch. Some of that shit seriously hurt.
But I pulled one over on her. My mother is Irish & inherited a hell of a lot from her. I don’t think she could use anything she got from me. She’s bitched about it before. Apparently I have a hard time expressing emotions, I have a hard time walking away from things, I have a hard time talking about myself. I even have a hard time bitching about the weather, & when my grandfather died, a man that I loved & respected, she wanted to sit down & talk to me about me feelings & after two hours she left angry about how uncooperative I was being.
She suggested that I try writing about my feelings. I’d have an easier time communicating what I’m going through if I don’t have to say it out loud. I can become a better & more trusting & more sensitive man if I wrote about what I can’t express through words & emotions.
I suppose she was correct, I’m keeping this blog. I do feel depressed because of unemployment & I was able to write that & other things that I would never admit to her, my parents, my friends, or anyone else. But I guess it works.
But you want to know what I’m really feeling Erika? Do you want to know I’m really taking your advice & keeping a public blog? It’s not because you think I’m a suicide risk.
It is because I’m fucking bored!
I got my first job when I was fourteen. I’ve had at least one & a half jobs & college since I graduated high school. And on winter & summer vacation, when I was teaching, I was gone, I had the money to explore America, Canada, & Europe. I was having adventures. I hate sitting still. It’s not that I’m holding out for a good job, I’ll take any job, work any hours just to have something to occupy my time, hell I’ll even take a part time bull shit job just to have twenty-hours a week of something to do.
It used to be that I had to seriously sit down & plot to get free time to go out with my friends & get shit faced, Now I’m too broke to drink & that’s not exactly the type of thing that can keep me entertained all day long. Having no money is a drag, but having to figure out what you’re going to do because you have too much time on your hands sucks.
So I’m writing a blog. And people are actually reading this shit. People are killing time by reading the shit that I write to kill time. That’s something I don’t really understand. My life is boring, so I’m writing to entertain myself, & your reading about it. How does that work? Am I really that much of a train wreck?