After living by yourself for much of your life, having to move back in with mom & dad can put a serious damper on your routine.  Having no money does this as well.  It used to be that, one the weekends, I could drive out to one of two friend’s houses, drink until four in the morning, & then come home around noon & sleep until work started again on Monday.  That was the good life, the life where I lived in Chicago & could plan my weekends around who was playing where.

On the down nights, the weekends where I was two lazy to leave the house, or I couldn’t find anything worthwhile to do (which even happens in a city as large as Chicago), my weeknight routine spilled onto the weekend.  I’ll be honest, they were obsessive compulsive routines of the type that could potentially land me in an institution if I exhibited anything more ominous than that of a news junkie.

On the down nights, & the weeknights, the first thing I’d do when I walked into my apartment was tune my little early ’90s boombox to NPR, then I’d make a coffee, & as I was waiting for the pot to brew I’d turn on The Fox News Channel & stream Democracy Now! followed by Chicago Progressive Talk.  I’d listen to all three while I chain smoked, drank cup after cup of coffee, & fucked around on my computer.

Most of the time I’d surf through blogs & watch the crazy people repeat what I just heard on Fox News, Yahoo! Answers is the best place to observe this, especially if you are listening to Bill, Hannity, or old Rush.  With in seconds of a particularly good gibe against liberals Y!A Politics will have four of five people repeating it in the form of a question.  It can also work with MSNBC but to a lesser extant, Liberals don’t seem to troll as much as conservatives & when they do they only parrot Rachel Maddow & Ed Schultz.

If you do this right, & you have enough cigarettes, you can spend an entire weekend listening to the news & watching as the crazy people parrot it on the finer political forums across the internet.

Sadly there is no smoking in my parents house & I no longer have the money to fuel that habit.  There is also no coffee.  Mother is a tea woman & despises the smell of coffee.  Without cigarettes & coffee there is no real happiness. When I smile now, I’m faking it, I really want to tear your fucking head off because your very presence annoys me.  When I can’t smoke I get very bitchy.

Unfortunately, there is also a strict rule forcing me to have only one thing on at a time.  Mom & dad just can’t handle the chaos of three competing news stations in the same room at the same time.  It drives them insane.

It’s very hard adapting to life with other people again, it appears that I have adopted my fair share of annoying habits.  You tend not to notice these things, you don’t notice how strange you’ve actually become when you’re living on your own.   I’m slowly starting to understand why my fiancee left me all those years ago.

Couples do the same thing, they develop their own annoying habits.  My father has apparently developed the annoying habit of watching NCIS & my mother has developed the annoying habit of Reality TV & Lifetime mellow dramas.  Sometimes, when my father comes across a poem he enjoys he’ll read it out loud.  This is a sin.  My father has no concept of cadence…he probably can’t even define it.  People like him should not read out loud.

Where was I?

Right, the pitfalls of only being aloud to have one thing on at a time.

When you live with your parents & they don’t allow you to go through you relaxation rituals you’re forced to focus on whatever news the channel you’re watching is covering.  You can’t divide your focus between three channels & thus lesson the blow.  As a result, today, I had to suffer through feminists.

I HATE feminists.  Feminists do not make any sense, they are the living equivalent of the DSM-IV & are just as guilty of group think.  Neither feminists nor psychologists understand human beings & their motivations.

Today the feminists attacked Victoria’s Secret.  According to the feminists everyone’s favorite male fantasy company is guilty of perpetuating America’s epidemic culture of rape.  The company is guilty of the crime of provoking rape by selling panties with sexual innuendos printed on them & foolish women are guilty of asking to get raped by buying these panties & wearing them when they know they are going to get laid.

This cannot continue, Victoria’s Secret must be stopped at all costs.

I’ve seen these panties before.  When I see them I know I’m about to get laid, we have already moved on to that point, I have the consent needed, I’m not a rapist.  I’ll even put money down that the reason that she wore the panties was because she was planning on fucking me.

But I do like to look at these things from both sides.  Taking the rapist’s point of view, by the time he strips the bitch down to her panties I’m pretty sure he already had the intent of raping his chosen victim.  The sexual innuendo that Vic’s printed on the panties aren’t going to act like a green light, the rapist had already given himself the green light.  The chick is fucked whether she wants it or not & the panties had nothing to do with it.  It was either the rapists fault, or if you’re in the TEA Party, a gift from God.  But either way, whatever is printed on the panties in no way factor into the equation.

Let’s face it, all this attack is doing is attempting to convince men & women to stop sleeping with each other,  I’m convinced that the Feminists, like the people that oppose sex ed in high school, have an agenda of societal absence.  This is not a good idea, not if you want the species to survive.  Look what’s happening to the panda bears.

It’s complete & utter stupidity.  It ranks up there with the idiots that march around with signs that read “hate speech is not free speech.”  They are disconnected with reality in some horrible way that classifies them as perfectly sane in the DSM-IV.  They are exactly the type of people that society identifies as normal & well developed.  These people scare the ever loving shit out of me.

And this, mom & dad, is the reason why you have to have three different channels on at the same time when you’re watching the news.  When you’re forced to divide your focus on three or four things at the same time it allows you to watch MSNBC & FOX News without actually making yourself any dumber.  It doesn’t make you into the type of mindless beast that actually believes that humorously suggestive panties force men to rape women.


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